Comments for benjyfeen.com

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by Suz Burroughs

Suz Burroughs — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 13:01:01 +0000

I prefer the end of date rule that you ask for the next date at the end of the first date. “I had a great time. Are you free [in a couple days].” No one tells west coast guys about this. Cuts post date neuroticness and lets the person know in clear terms — you are worth seeing again.

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by Angelica

Angelica — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 21:02:07 +0000

Good article.

Another great idea (recently experienced): find a coffee shop or bookstore with board games or similar entertainment, have a cup of coffee, chat, and play a game. It’s interactive and engaging. Had a really fun first date recently that involved a new (and fabulous) game that neither of us had played.

Heck, I even bought the game afterwards!

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by xaotica

xaotica — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 21:04:43 +0000

i can’t imagine myself going home with someone on the first date. not because i consider myself a prude (probably as far from that as you can get) but due to my anatomy it just seems needlessly risky for a potentially mediocre outcome. so it’d never occur to me that someone would need to be told not to plan for that. but maybe they do? it also seems risky in terms of drama… you never know if that superhot person who’s ready to come home with you is also a psychostalker =P

i do strongly disagree with the idea that you should avoid a novel activity with a new person, though. i assume by default that a random person from a dating website is probably not going to be that great. if they turn out to be great, i’m pleasantly surprised, but i figure that there’s a much higher chance that this will be a decent conversation with someone that i’ll never see again.

but if a date causes me to do something that i might not otherwise have done, that’s adding a lot of value. even if it turns out that i have no interest in the person, i now have a new and interesting experience under my belt. if it turns out i like it, i could later try it again with someone who i am really into.

i also generally consider people a good influence if they introduce me to something unique and interesting, even if i’m not attracted to them. so i’d think more highly of someone if they did that vs. if we just went to a coffeeshop which i could do whenever.

i’m an idealist, but i think that if someone is a person i’d enjoy dating, we’ll be having a good time regardless of whether we are doing something that i end up not enjoying or whether we’re at a coffeeshop. company makes all the difference.

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by mikest

mikest — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:46:05 +0000

well written, and good advice

Comment on In brief: don’t buy a cheap zoom lens. by eric Sorenson

eric Sorenson — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 05:34:50 +0000

A couple of examples from my sphere of experience:

the piston-lever espresso machine
a hand-cranked coffee roaster (or ice cream maker)
the single-speed bicycle
as-distributed perl/ruby without CPAN/gems

Aye.

Comment on Everybody likes presents, right? by Leokadia

Leokadia — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:25:52 +0000

I notice my time-honored response of “thanks, I think so, too!” does not appear

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by Imagine

Imagine — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:56:26 +0000

yay concise article, I’ll link to it on my profile! d33ann: I heard there a ton more single men than women in Seattle! Have your pick!

Comment on Low-stakes First Dates by d33ann

d33ann — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 11:56:43 +0000

Hey, great article Benji. Especially cause it’s stuff that I already believe about dating. It was nice to see it written so concisely. (I followed the link on the “how to be weird” post.) So now that I’m sure about what to do on first dates, can you find me some nice men in Seattle?!

Comment on Everybody likes presents, right? by Ann McDonough

Ann McDonough — Tue, 05 May 2009 00:35:09 +0000

Wow, Daniel. You are really cynical. Most people (maybe just women?) are raised to down play their own abilities and not to be boastful. Given that, they don’t normally know how to handle compliments.

Yes, Benjy, “Thank you” is the appropriate response, but not one that is often given. Most of the time, it’s returned with more self deprecating crap. Thanks for the reminder to take care of ourselves and accept graciously.

Comment on Everybody likes presents, right? by Daniel Howard

Daniel Howard — Mon, 04 May 2009 15:16:11 +0000

So often compliments are like those free tee shirts handed out at company meetings, only cheaper. Schwag becomes stroking, which is a core component of the McDonald’s management philosophy: hand out compliments like candy and you can make impressionable young employees feel extremely validated and content with their crappy jobs at no cost to the bottom line.

Some of us have a deep-rooted skepticism as to whether compliments are sincere or not. All the same, the best course is to be gracious, say thank you, and consider whether the compliment rings true or not. If so, you know you have just received a sincere gift. If not, you know to be careful not to get a swell head.

BTW, nice post, sir! Thought-provoking.

Sincerely,
-daniel